When Dawn Comes
by E R Barkley
Summary: The story of Garrus and Shepard as I would have liked it to go from their meeting on Omega and beyond the ending of Mass Effect 3. Rated M for later chapters. Updates on Wednesdays.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story, so any suggestions or advice are much appreciated. I will ignore all rude comments. I will not use game dialogue unless I can remember it perfectly because that's just how I am.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to this game or the characters, Bioware does. However, I do so enjoy playing in their sandbox.

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**Chapter 1**

Omega. What a shit hole. Sea green eyes danced around as the slim, but well toned woman walked through the place she least wanted to be. Commander Astra Shepard wanted to be anywhere, but on Omega looking for people she didn't trust. First they had to find this Doctor Mordin or even Archangel, which ever caught her fancy and so far it was the turian vigilante that had her attention, though she was being told by the two other humans with her that she should go after the salarian doctor, which only proved to sour her mood.

Astra had never been one for listen to others, especially not when she was supposed to be the one in charge. Sure, she'd made friends on the first Normandy, trusted people and talked freely, but on this new one? Not so much. She didn't like Cerberus, she wasn't sure she trusted the AI they'd put on the ship and she greatly agreed with Joker that EDI was like ship cancer until she proved that she wouldn't stab the organics in the back. Lifting a slim fingered hand, she lightly rubbed her temples, fighting a headache and pushing strawberry blonde curls out of her eyes. Shooting a glance over her shoulder, she could hear Miranda and Jacob bickering behind her like two idiotic teenagers. "Will you two shut up for five mother loving seconds?" Shepard snarled the words out at them before she marched with purpose towards the transport that would take them to where the mercs were.

The ride to their destination didn't take long and the gun fire that rang out was enough to make Shepard arch a brow in question, but rather than say anything, she remained silent as they marched, dodged and trotted towards Sergeant Cathka. As soon as the man started speaking, Astra decided she didn't like him and the more he talked the less she liked him and so, when she had the chance to stab him in the back as it were, she took it with a wicked grin on her face and a skip in her step as she moved out, shooting mercs left and right as she moved towards Archangel's base. Her steps were measured and practiced, but it felt strange, not having Garrus on her six to counter her steps. She faltered in her steps, but only for a moment as a bullet shot by her head, narrowly missing her. Jade eyes shot up to glare at the offending person, only to rest on a vaguely familiar blue and black helmet. 'That must be Archangel.' Her mind supplied even as she started moving again, a new found urgency driving her forward as she ducked, dodge and raced towards the stairs that would take her closer to this mysterious turian.

As the final bullets flew, the doors between Astra and Archangel turned from red to green and she turned towards them, a brow arched. She was curious now, more than curious really. What person was dumb enough to unlock a door without questioning who it was that was there to help them? Whatever the reason, Astra walked forward and opened the doors, eye landing on Archangel as he sighted down his sniper rifle. A thrill went through her body. That pose, that gun, that everything. It sang to her a song and she didn't want to believe it. She opened her mouth to speak, but he gestured for silence and she closed her mouth without a second thought. Her heart beat out a tumbling tempo as Archangel took his shot and then stood in one fluid motion, leaning his sniper against the side of a crate as he sat on it and lifted his hands to his helmet and removed it.

Shepard's eyes went wide and a grin, feral, but beautiful to the eyes of those who say it before she shot forward without a single thought and wrapped her arms around the turian's neck. "Garrus! I can't believe it!" Her words raced from her mouth causing Garrus to tilt his head back and freely laugh at her exuberance.

Pulling back she glared at him, slapping him upside the head. "What was that for?" He reached up, rubbing the spot absently as he looked at the small spitfire of a human before him.

"You hit me! Twice and nearly hit me several other times too!" Her words were snarled and he laughed once more, not giving her an answer as he pulled her into another embrace, enjoying the feel of her cooler body temperature and the fact that she was alive, whole and well. However, it was not to last as one of the other humans with her cleared their throat at the two and Shepard stepped back, brushing her hair behind an ear almost self-consciously, even as her eyes said she didn't care what those two thought. It caused Garrus to smile and a sly look passed over Shepard's face before the two of them turned away. "Let's see what those bastards are up to." Her words were soft as she ducked down by the wall with him and peeked over, eyes shifting over the line that was getting ready to head their way.

"They're sending in their mechs. This should be interesting." A wicked little grin danced on her face for a moment as she ducked down once more as the heavy mech turned on its people, firing at them and Garrus had to laugh at the overly innocent look that Astra shot his way. That girl was always up to something and that something usually wasn't anything good.

While the heavy mech took care of most of the mercs, Shepard and her team gathered their things and prepared to stand up to them. Everything seemed to go by in a blur after that, from taking out Garm to the gunship. Oh the gunship. Astra's heart had nearly failed her as she'd taken out the gunship and then raced to his side, leaning over him and begging him not to leave her, but he was slipping, she could see it even as she radioed Joker to get them pick up.

Her fingers were slick with blue blood as she pressed her hand over his wound, trying to stanch the bleeding as best she could. This was not how she'd expected this reunion to go. She'd wanted to finish this little fight, go back to the ship and have a couple drinks, talk about how all this happened and just have time to catch up, but now? Now she was fighting for her friend to stay alive. She was running ragged on the inside waiting for the transport to arrive. On the outside, she was calm, cool, collected Astra Shepard, the woman who thwarted geth, Saren, even death, but face with the thought of losing Garrus, she was a mess inwardly, always inwardly and she knew she needed him, needed someone she didn't have to be strong for besides her mother. She couldn't, wouldn't lose him.


	2. Chapter 2

What?! Two chapters in one day?! Yes, yes there are. Haha. I just felt motivated to write this chapter as well. Reviews are welcome as always and I will try to reply to them.

Also, I'm thinking about looking into getting a beta. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Once more Bioware owns.

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**Chapter 2**

Everything was a never ending blur. She couldn't take her eyes off Garrus as they traveled back to the Normandy. She didn't want to let him out of her sight for fear that he might disappear and die on her. Her fingers trembled lightly where they were clutched in her lap, but she didn't let anyone see. They were almost there, he wouldn't die on her now; she just had to keep telling herself that. Swallowing down a sob and fighting back tears, she stared at him, at the blue markings on his face and trying not to look at his wound. If she looked, her heart would surely shatter and she wouldn't be able to be what they all needed her to be right now.

Without much thought as to what she was doing, Shepard reached out a hand and gripped his in hers as tightly as she dared. Astra felt as though she should be speaking, but not with all these people that could listen in. There was too much to be said and most of it was things she wasn't ready to admit to anyone, but the unconscious turian before her.

Strawberry blond curls fell forward as she shifted in her seat to lean over him and whisper softly in his ear, "If you leave me, I will never, ever forgive you." There was bite to her words, but also pleading. She would beg every god ever worshiped if she could just keep him alive. He was and always would be her best friend, no matter their differences, no matter the harsh realities of their lives. Slim fingers reached up and gently stroked the uninjured side of his face before she sat back and finally turned her pale green eyes away from him.

* * *

They arrived at the Normandy and Garrus was taken from her side. She couldn't go after him, at least not yet. She had things to do and if she went to him now Chakwas would just send her away. With that thought in mind, Astra headed to her quarters. She'd feed her fish, get out of her armor, shower and then go see Garrus. That's what she told herself anyways, but the moment she was in the elevator, she was heading down to the crew quarters and walking with purposeful steps towards the med bay only to come face to face with the red lock sign.

Rather than turn around and find something else to do, Shepard put her back to the door and slid down until she touched the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest, arms wrapped around them as she waited in her armor. Tipping her head back she lightly beat it against the metal of the door until the first bloom of a headache started to take over, then she sat quietly, eyes closed and thought back on all their adventures. So many adventures filled with trials that had brought them both closer together and left a mark on their life that would separate them forever in some small way.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, leaning against the doors; all she knew was that one minute everyone was in the mess hall and now it was nearly deserted. Blinking several times, Shepard rose from the ground, groaning at the stiffness in her limbs from sitting on the ground for an extended period of time.

Glancing back at the doors, the green sign gave her hope and she pressed her hand to it and walked in as soon as the doors slide open. The med bay was dark, Doctor Chakwas had obviously gone to bed, but that caused Shepard to wonder how she'd gotten around her, someone must have moved her so the good doctor could leave, but Astra didn't know who. Shoving those thoughts from her mind, she looked around until her gaze came to rest on the bulk of the turian she was seeking.

As quietly as she could, she pulled a chair up to the side of his bed and sat looking at his slumbering, gauze wrapped face. Her throat was tight with suppressed emotions. There were so many unsaid words between them and while he slept she could easily tell him her story, because she knew that when he woke, she wouldn't be able to show him what she was really feeling.

"It's been a crazy adventure between us. We've seen a lot of things, done a lot of things. I've missed you, having you on my six, listening to your jokes with Joker. I know I've missed a lot. Hell, I was dead for two years. I can remember it. I can remember being spaced as if was yesterday. I guess it was yesterday for me anyways," she paused, running her hands through her long curling locks, pushing them out of her face and squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, trying to push away the images that threatened to put her into a panic. Releasing her breath she continued, "I've always loved the stars; you figured that out after only knowing me for a few weeks. Now though, they scare me. I want to love them, but I'm so scared of them. I need you, Garrus. I need you on my team, at my six again so I'm not as scared of the stars. Get better please." She took his hand in hers, squeezing tightly and jumping when he squeezed back.

Sea foam eyes darted up to meet ice blue ones and her heart nearly stopped as he spoke, so softly she had to lean forward to make sure that she heard each word he spoke, "I won't leave you, Shepard, not again." His words were both surprising and oh so natural. She knew where he belonged and where she belonged, but she couldn't tell him those things, so instead, she smiled, a brilliant smile that he had once told her reminded him of the sun and with that smile came tears which she quickly dashed away with her free hand.

They sat there, two soldiers who had lived a nightmare and where there to comfort each other, even if that comfort was silence and not words. They were companions till the end and she sat there, her hand gripping his with all her strength, not willing to let this moment fade, at least not yet.

It wasn't long before Garrus fell back to sleep and Shepard moved away, standing in a fluid graceful motion and smiled as she turned away and headed towards the elevator. She knew she wouldn't sleep tonight, she didn't sleep most nights, but at least a weight had been taken off her heart. Garrus was okay and that was what mattered right now. Her best friend was by her side for now anyways. She'd have to talk to him when he was in better shape and find out if he was willing to follow her through the Omega 4 relay. All in good time, that's what she had to keep telling herself. Tomorrow, she'd go after Mordin and they could leave this shit hole and be on their way to find others to join their cause.


	3. Chapter 3

Since I seem to have so much free time right now, I will try and get up a chapter a day or every other day depending on my work load. Other than that, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I just like to play in the sandbox.

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**Chapter 3**

The heat of flames and the cold of space, she could feel it brushing against her skin, could hear herself gasping for air and seeing the shining stars that made up the galaxy and for a moment she stopped struggling and stared and wished, wished on each and every star that her life could be different, that it wasn't going to end this way. Then she was struggling again, fighting for air and reaching out into the black nothingness that was surrounding her, calling out a name, screaming it with all her might.

"Garrus!" She sat up abruptly, on hand out stretched, reaching for a phantom hand that wasn't there to take it. Looking around, she realized she'd fallen asleep on the couch, a data pad rested on the table in front of her, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what she'd been reading about. Rubbing her hands over her face, she stood from the couch and stripped out of her clothes, kicking them to the side as she walked to the bathroom naked, a sheen of sweat coated her fair skin, a remnant of the nightmare that had haunted her since the moment she'd been brought back from the grave.

Astra stood in the bathroom, switched the water on and waited for a moment, letting it heat up before stepping in. For most people, the heat of the water would have been too much, but she needed that heat, needed the burn to feel real and not like Frankenstein's monster. Even as she stood under the water and let it wash away her riot of emotions, let it wash away the things that she believed to be a sin. She should be dead and she knew that more than she knew anything and in this moment, she allowed herself to be human and feel the rage that she so longed to feel. She hit the wall, her teeth bared in aggression, kept hitting it until she felt the skin of her hand slip and bleed, but it wasn't enough. She shut off the water with force and stormed into her room, grabbing a sports bra and shorts, completely forgoing underwear.

Shepard took the elevator to the cargo bay where she'd long ago set up a space to work out with a simulation, weights and a punching bag. She wrapped her hands; eyes narrowed on the punching bag like it had somehow offended her. As soon as she was done wrapping her hands, she attacked it, throwing punch after punch, kick after kick, teeth bared in anger and frustration, curls bouncing around her wildly since she hadn't put it up. Sweat rolled down her face, dripped off her chin to fall onto the floor. She could feel herself wearing down, but she just couldn't stop. She could feel the harsh pull of scared over wounds straining with her motions, but she just couldn't stop. Her breath rushed in and out of her lungs puffing into the air and next thing she knew, the bag was split open at the steams, spilling out it's innards and Astra sank to the floor, still unsatisfied and breathing much too hard.

"Shepard." A voice drew her head up and around and she narrowed a look on Miranda as the other woman walked towards her in her high heeled boots and god awful cat suit.

"What do you want, Miranda?" Her words were cold, putting distance between the Commander and her XO. Shepard wasn't here to make friends with anyone from Cerberus. She was bent on not letting them into her life anymore than they already were. Brushing her hair over her shoulder, she waited for an answer to her question and looked at Miranda just in time to see a slightly concerned expression flash across her face before fading away once more.

"EDI informed me that you'd had a nightmare and were now down here murdering the punching bag. I came down to make sure that you were okay and to see if you needed anything." The brunette spoke as if Shepard had never tossed her a glare, never given her the cold shoulder, she talked as though she was still queen of the castle even though she'd been knocked off the throne as soon as Shepard had woken up.

Green eyes rolled and Shepard shook her head, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose in exasperation, "If I wasn't okay, I'm sure EDI would have gone nuts and woken the whole of the crew just to take care of little, old me. Miranda, I can take care of myself and if taking care of myself means I have a nightmare and I end up beating the shit out of a punching bag then that is exactly what I'm going to do."

There was almost a sheepish look on the XO's face as she looked down at the ground. "My apologies, Commander, I just thought I should check up on you. I was only trying to be friendly."

A bark of laughter drew Miranda's gaze back up to Astra's and she saw the feral way the Commander was smiling as the woman opened her mouth to respond, "Don't try. If you want to be friendly, be friendly; don't try to be anything with me. It never goes over well." With that, Shepard stood from her crouch and walked away, feline grace in every step she took to the elevator.

The ride to her loft was uneventful, but she was in a mood and it wasn't the sort of mood that was fit for company, so as soon as she entered her cabin she locked the door and stripped down once more, laying face first on her bed, curling her arms under her pillow and holding it close, eyes staring at her sound system and hoping that time would go by faster and that this would all be over with quickly and she could just fade into the background, get rid of the collectors and fade away. Astra knew those thoughts were not healthy, knew they were dangerous for her mental health, but she couldn't not think about them. They ate at her day and night.

So, she lay there, lost in her thoughts and dreaming of a time when she didn't have all these burdens. As her mind wondered, she thought back to all the things she'd accomplished. She was young for someone with her record. She'd lived and breathed Alliance all her life, from the time she'd lived on ships till now, even though the emblem on her jacket as Cerberus, she was still an Alliance soldier. That thought saddened her. What would she do with her life once she retired? Where would she go? Right now, she didn't have those answers because she had nothing to look forward to once her cause was finished. Maybe if she had someone, someone who loved her and that she loved in return, she would know what to do with her life, but she didn't. She'd never had someone she cared for in that way.

Closing her eyes, she sucked in a slow, deep breath before releasing it, trying to clear her mind of the things that ate at her. It worked, but only for a moment as her mind drifted to thoughts of the people she'd befriended on the SR-1. Tali, that girl had been like a younger sibling to her. They'd laughed and talked and ogled men together, but that had changed on Freedom's Progress. Tali had been so cold to Shepard then, as if she'd wanted to get away from her as fast as possible. It broke her heart. Then she had Garrus, he'd greeted her warmly, as a best friend should and her heart had leaped at the feeling, sped up and thundered in her chest. She'd thought she would be alone with people she didn't know for this whole ordeal, but he was here, if only for the moment. The others? Kaiden, Wrex, Liara? She had no idea where they were. Well, she had an idea about Wrex and Liara, but she couldn't even fathom where Kaiden might be and that troubled her.

"Commander." EDI spoke, pulling Shepard from her mind and causing the strawberry blonde woman to turn and look at the blue orb over her shoulder.

"Yes, EDI?" Her voice was curt; she still had no warmth for the ship cancer. It had yet to prove itself useful in anyway other than to wake her up and call the crew to be debriefed.

"Would you like me to call Miranda and Jacob to the conference room to be debriefed?" For a moment, Astra had no idea what the AI was talking about and then it hit her and she sighed, thinking, 'Guess it's that time already.' She rose from her bed and moved to get ready.

"Yes, that would be helpful." She barely heard the AI reply with her customary response as she pulled on her undergarments and undersuit and began gearing up for the mission ahead of her.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I just like to play with their stuff.

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**Chapter 4**

She officially hated all mercs and whatever group they belonged to. She rolled into cover and took shot after shot. Astra had hoped this would be an easy mission and in a way, it was, especially when compared to her last one. Cringing, she shot down the last merc standing in her team's way and moved out. They were so close and as they rounded the last corner to the clinic, Shepard released a low sigh of gratitude to whatever god had decided to give them a short, well deserved break. As they walked through the doors, she leaned against the wall for a moment, sucking in a deep lungful of air before pushing off and walking back to where she had been informed Mordin would be.

* * *

Oh boy could he talk. That man talked fifty miles a minute and it made her want to laugh. For some reason, she had a feeling she was going to like this salarian and that was saying something, especially since Cerberus were the ones that wanted him to begin with. Still, all she wanted to do was listen to little man talk and talk and talk. It made her laugh because she didn't understand a damn word he was saying. Reaching out a hand, she patted Mordin on the shoulder, causing the salarian to pause in long winded speak about god only knew what. "You can tell me more when we get back to the ship." A rare smile that reached her eyes bloomed on her face as she looked at him, watch him nod in conformation and with that they moved out, the second member of their team claimed and now, Astra was ready to leave this hell hole once she found out if Garrus was going to stay by her side.

* * *

After spending lord knows how many hours talking to Mordin, Shepard had retreated to her cabin. She'd checked on Garrus, who was still out like a light and chatted with the rest of the crew and now? She just wanted to relax, even if it was only for five minutes. Thus, she'd found an old movie that she dearly loved.

Aliens was blaring loudly and she was curled up tightly in her blankets, pillows piled around her in a nest of sorts for her to hide in. You'd never know it, but Astra loved being scared, she loved the rush it gave her, just like the rush she felt when she was fighting except without all the bullets. It wasn't that she was easily scared by things, it was just that she allowed scary movies to absorb her, take her into that fantasy land and allowed the reactions and feelings of the characters in the movie to become her own, thus she need the blankets and pillows to use as a shield when she got too wrapped up in it and right now, her eyes were riveted on the screen so when the doors to her cabin opened, she wasn't expect it and she screamed, this blood curdling sound that had whoever was in her doorway covering their ears.

Quick as she could, she paused the screen and turned bright sea green eyes on the newcomer as the lights flickered on, momentarily blinding her as she looked towards the shadow that slowly moved towards her.

"I didn't know humans could scream THAT loud." Humor rumbled in his voice, causing her to glare back at him.

"Haha. Very funny. I would like to see you not about piss your pants watching this movie, Garrus Vakarian." She drawled his name, rolling her eyes and smirking, a coy twist of her lips, "If you're so brave, why don't you join me. I'd happily restart it."

Garrus shook his head, but settled onto her bed none the less, scooting back to lean against the wall while she curled up close to his side and restarted the movie, watching it with avid eyes.

With each new horror, Astra moved closer and closer to him until finally he was forced to wrap his arm around her or risk her taking a flying leap into his lap. For a moment, she wondered how he felt about how close she was to him, but then that stupid alien burst out of that poor man's chest and she squealed covering her eyes with Garrus' hand. She could hear his rumbling laughter, feel it against her side and she peeked up at him, only to have her eyes flash back to the screen as the remaining characters set out to find the ugly bugger.

The movie went on in companionable silence. Every so often, she'd glance up at his face and see a puzzled expression cross his features before it would fade away. He was probably storing away questions to ask her as soon as the end credits began to roll, but for now, she was happy. She had her best friend by her side and though she didn't know how he was feeling, she was just glad he was awake and next to her. In her heart, she was sure that this couldn't last. Astra kept telling herself that he would leave her to continue his work on Omega. She didn't believe that he would stay, no matter what he'd said in his drugged up state in the med bay.

She must have dosed off because when she opened her eyes, the room was dark, but she was stilled pressed up against Garrus' side. Shepard was always cold and Garrus was so warm that it must have made her sleepy. She looked up at him, sea foam eyes searching his face as he stared back at her, a small smile on his face. "Hello." She mumbled the words at him sleep still clogging her throat and reached up with a hand to rub at her eyes absently.

"Hello to you, sleepy head." His voice was warm and it caused her to grin and lean a little bit closer to him, not that there was that much space left between them.

"I guess we need to talk, huh?" She asked him softly, eyes drifting away from him. Astra was dreading this, dreading it more than anything else in the whole of her life.

"What's there to talk about, Shepard? You want me on your team; I'm here for you, simple as that. You're my best friend and I've already lost you once, I won't lose you again." He said it matter-of-factly, like there was no room for discussion and it made her heart well with joy.

She pushed her feelings of joy aside and looked at him dead on, raising a brow in an expression that he knew well. "Garrus, I have a lot of questions and you owe me each and every answer as my friend." She pointed out, crossing her arms as she leaned slightly away from him, more than prepared for the fight that this could easily cause.


	5. Chapter 5

_I've been really tryin', baby_  
_Tryin' to hold back these feelings for so long_  
_And if you feel, like I feel baby_  
_Come on, oh come on,_

_Let's get it on. . . _

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I just enjoy playing with their toys.

**Chapter 5**

They sat, facing each other on her bed, words spilled forward, words that both saddened and angered Astra. She reached up an hand an brushed her hair behind her ears, allowing her eyes to trace over the blanket under them before sea green met ice blue and she gripped her hands in fists to keep herself from lunging at him, wrapping him in her arms and holding him like he was a broken child who needed that sort of care and once more looked down that the blanket. He kept talking, telling her stories of his time with his team and how he he'd tried not to grow close to them, tried not to care about them too much, but it had been impossible. That made Shepard grin; she'd rubbed off on him in some small way it seemed.

That grin did not go unnoticed and suddenly, his taloned hand was tracing over her lips. Her eyes shot up to his, wide and luminescent in the glow from the fish tank and dimmed lights of the room and under his hand, her lips parted as though she was going to say something, but instead, she took his hand and kissed his palm softly. So softly she wondered if he'd even felt it because he didn't react or at least, she didn't think he did until she looked up at him and saw the soft, almost affectionate look that grew in his eyes and her heart raced, thundered and beat like a mad crazy drum in her chest, causing heat to build and a blush to spread across her cheeks, but she didn't drop his hand, instead she placed it against her cheek and held it there until she felt him cup it around her face of himself and then she let go, moving to mirror his action with her own hand on his good mandible.

Drawing in a deep breath, they sat there staring at each other for moments until finally, Astra had to look away. There was still more to talk about and the atmosphere in the room had been come much too tense for her. She dropped her hand and leaned back or at least tried to. His hand tightened and shifted, forcing her to stop her movements and look back up at him.

"Shepard, I missed you. I'm glad you're not dead." He whispered the words so softly that she almost missed them and she couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing her lips to his uninjured mandible.

"I'm glad too." And in that moment, she was glad, those words had never been truer than in this moment as he moved his hand ran his talons gently through her hair, pulling the long, curls over her shoulder before moving his hand away, one spiral clinging desperately to his finger, before coming lose and bouncing back into place against her collarbone. She licked her lover lip and before she could think about what she was doing, she leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth. At first, he didn't seem to know how to react, but he was a quick study and soon, she was pulled into his lap, mouths melded together as best as the two could manage.

Soft lyrics filtered to her ears and her closed eyes opened and she pulled away, shifting her head to the side only to have her cheeks flame with embarrassment and an over whelming urge to go to the cockpit and massacre a certain pilot for spying and playing this song of all song. "Joker, I will kill you. Let's Get It On? Really?" Shepard moved from Garrus' lap as the poor turian looked confused, embarrassed and utterly lost all at the same time. She turned to him and grinned, "Come, Garrus, we have to murder Joker for his rude interruption." She grinned devilishly and she watched him wipe away those emotions before standing with her and following her to the elevator to the words of "Oh shit!" blaring from the com in the room.

* * *

Since that day, Garrus had been rather distant with her, though she had gotten him to tell her that he would be staying with her as long as she needed him to stay. Thus, he'd gone on four recruitment missions and several side ones. Currently, she was in port observation with Kasumi and boys seemed to be the topic of the evening.

"So, Shepard, do you have anyone special?" The question surprised Astra and she looked at Kasumi with a wicked little grin.  
"A good lady never tells." She bit her bottom lip and tried not to laugh at the frown that showed on the other woman's lips before it suddenly turned into a dazzling smile.

"Well, then it's a good thing you aren't a very good lady." Shepard sputtered at that, laughing to hard she nearly fell out of her seat. The doors slide open as she was trying to rein her laughter in, but only laughed harder when she realized who it was that had walked in. Oh the poor man.

Kasumi looked up at Garrus and then back to the still laughing Shepard and her mouth formed an o before she started laughing as well, which only caused a confused expression to cross Garrus' face and Astra waved a hand at him, trying and failing to tell him that it was nothing he needed to worry about, but all her gesturing and attempts to speak resulted in her falling backwards off the couch arm and onto the floor, like the secret klutz she is. Kasumi laughed harder at Shepard's folly, but Garrus was by her side in a moment's notice, crouched down next to her and trying not to laugh himself at the expression of shock on Astra's face.

"Shepard, are you alright?" He asked concern in his voice and laughter leaking through, even as she sat back up and rubbed the back of her head, pouting prettily at him.

"Oh yes, perfectly fine, except for hitting my head and a really bruised ego." She sated, glaring at him, crossing her arms over her chest as she sat on the floor and that was it, the last straw to the hilarity that was Commander Astra Shepard falling off a couch. Garrus roared with laughter, sitting hard on the ground and not caring at all that Astra looked mockingly offended by the way he was acting. Once all of them had calmed down from their fit of laughter, Garrus helped Astra to her feet and the commander brushed off her pants once she was standing, looking anywhere, but at him.

It was about that time Kasumi chimed in, "Since we're docked at the Citadel for a few days, why don't we all go out and do something fun?" That got Shepard's attention and it gave her an idea.

"Sure, why the hell not? Everyone could use a break, except Joker. He's not allowed to leave the ship." She said, looking straight at the com with a smart ass grin on her face.

"Now that's just mean, Shepard, I was just having a little fun. You can't blame me for that!" Joker chimed in and Shepard's grin grew.  
"I can and will blame you, like I always do. Don't you know my motto is, 'Blame everything on, Joker'?" She was teasing and the note of it in her voice made the pilot laugh, "No, I wouldn't do that to you, but at least three people need to stay here which will probably be Miranda, Chakwas and Gardner, so I guess you can leave, if you behave." She covered her ears at his whoop of delight and turned to the two in the room with her, "So, what did you have in mind Kasumi?"

* * *

This was the worst idea she had ever had. Why had she let Kasumi talk her into getting all pretty and going out to dance and drink the night away? Oh yes, because she'd talked Garrus into it as well and Astra wanted Garrus to see her at her best, rather than at her worst for once in his life. So, she'd taken her curls out of her ponytail, brushed them into submission, applied make-up and put on her best jeans and tank top with a lacy back and call it good, even put on heels. Heels! Shepard couldn't remember the last time she'd worn heels and it was terrifying to think that she might make a fool of herself while she was wearing them.

Taking in a deep breath, she walked off the elevator and was pleased with herself. The look on Garrus' face was priceless as were the expressions on several of the others who were in their little party group. A smile curled her pale pink painted lips and she tossed her curls over her right shoulder, letting them falls down to mid back. Placing a hand on her hip and cocking it out, "Let's get this show on the roll." She said the words with a dazzling smile as she linked arms with Garrus and pulled him into step with her as they left the Normandy and headed out to have some much needed fun and free time.

* * *

Author Note: Shepard's falling off the couch? That happened to a friend of mine and I just couldn't resist putting it in here, much to her embarrassment.


	6. Chapter 6

This was rather hard to write and I have no idea why. Probably stress from school. Yes, blame school, always a good option. ANYWAYS! Aside from struggling with this chapter it was fun to write, more or less. It feels a bit cliche, but meh, whatever.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm just playing in Bioware's toy box.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Shepard wasn't one for dancing, but she was one for drinking and talking, that always worked well for her. So, when they arrived that the bar, Shepard claimed a table for them, even know she figured that she would be the only one sitting out when it came time to dance. Ordering her drink from the menu, she leaned back in her seat and smiled at the companionable chatter going on around her. Jacob was chatting away with Gabby and Donnelly about the drive core, Joker was teasing Kasumi and being teased in return. Jack was silent, but seemed to be listening to everyone talk all at once. A frown formed on her lips as she turned her head and look at Garrus, only to find him staring right back at her.

"Enjoying yourself?" She wasn't sure why she'd asked the question, but she felt as though she needed to as her jade eyes searched his blue ones for any hint at what he might be thinking as he looked her over.

"Yes, actually, it's nice to get out of the battery and have some shore leave. I'm sure everyone else is enjoying it as well."

She shook her head and narrowed a look on him, pushing her hair behind an ear, "You sound like I keep you locked up in the main battery." A pout formed on her lips and that made him laugh. Astra had never been able to get away with pouting at him, he just laughed her off, but it was good to hear him laugh in his duel toned voice. It sent a shiver up her spine and made her wonder about things she should not have been wondering about, like what that laugh would sound like filled with desire.

Heat built in her cheeks and she swiftly looked away from him, looking down instead at the table top and lifted her hands to play absently with a wayward curl, pulling on it until it was straight and then releasing it and watching it bounce back into a perfect ringlet. Her lips curled into a smile as she did this, trying not to think about the turian next to her, but it seemed, she wasn't going to be given a choice in paying attention to him because seconds later, his taloned hand reached out and ran softly over the curl that she had been playing with.

Green eyes met blue and he moved to take his hand away, but she was faster, grabbing his hand and pulling her hair over one shoulder. She didn't force him just gave him an encouraging smile and released his hand, leaving it up to him whether or not he would mess with the tumble of curls that she had.

She felt him shift closer to her and then the weight of his arm was behind her and he, oh so gently ran his talons through her hair. Shepard glanced up at the others around them, but everyone was wrapped up in their own conversations that they were paying no heed to the two in the corner. Good, she didn't need them to stare at them, it was bad enough that most of the people here with them were Cerberus, but she'd come to learn that not all of them were bad. Her mind was drawn from its musing when she felt as slight tug on her hair and she turned her gaze back to Garrus, who had the oddest look on his face, she didn't know what it meant or what it was for that matter, but as quickly as it had appeared, the look was gone and she could tell that he had a question for her, so she waited for him to speak rather than ask him why he'd looked at her the way he had.

"It's not what I expected." His words surprised her and she tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, but before she could say a word, their drinks arrived and everyone was demanding a toast or two and daring one another to a drinking contest, which somehow she got dragged into.

She sat, facing Jack and grinned while Joker and Garrus shook their heads, knowing that this would either be spectacular or a total fail on Shepard's part.

There they sat, eyes locked, getting ready to down as many shots as quickly as possible. Donnelly put an arm between then and slashed it, crowing out, "Go!" as the two women went nuts, throwing back shots like pros.

It was great fun, but in the end, Shepard lost. It had been two years since she'd had that much to drink, not that she thought about it that way, but it was whatever as long as everyone was enjoying themselves.

Once more, she sat back in her seat, watching everyone else and laughing as they got nearly everyone to take part in some sort of drinking contest.

By the end of it all, it seemed only Garrus and Donnelly were even remotely sober. That gave Astra pause and she frowned at the two of them before turning her attention back to the rest of the group around her.

* * *

The night wore on and Shepard was feeling drunker than she usually allowed herself. Her head was fuzzy and things were actually starting to blur. She wasn't steady on her feet, but she wasn't standing so that was a plus. Rather, she was sitting there day dreaming about lord knew what and when she focused on the world around her once more, everyone was gone from the table. She could see them off dancing or leaning against the bar chatting with other patrons.

A glass of water was placed in front of her by a gloved, taloned hand and sea foam eyes flickered up to his face, studying him as he often studied her. "Why thank you, kind sir." She took the glass and gulped down about half of it before she set it back drown letting out a long breath.

"I think it's time we get you back to the ship." Garrus spoke loud enough for her to hear, but so low that no one else would know what they were talking about. A frown curled her lips, but she nodded none the less and downed the last of her water before he helped her to her feet and guided her out of the bar with hands pressed firmly to her shoulders.

Once out of the bar, everything seemed quiet and for a moment, Astra wondered what time it was, however she had no motivation to look because she surely would have groaned as soon as she laid eyes on the time. Shoving those thoughts aside, she leaned against Garrus' side and looked up at him with wide, pretty eyes. She watched him slide his gaze towards her as she linked her arm around his and grinned. "Garrus, do you know how much I love you?" The words surprised him and he blinked at her a few times before shoving those three little words away and putting it all up to the fact that she was drunk.

"No, I don't." He answered her back, laughter in his deep, rumbling two toned voice.

"I love you a hell of a lot. I don't know what I would do without. I'd probably be lost and lonely and friendless." She nodded her head matter-of-factly, before lifting her free hand to her head, "Whoa, maybe I shouldn't do that." She giggled, and held onto his arm tighter, causing his arm to come to rest right between her breasts as they walked.

"Better be careful, don't want me to have to carry you back to the ship." He taunted her and he watched a rather thoughtful look cross her features.

"That doesn't sound to back actually, not as long as it was a piggy back ride or being carried princess style." She tapped her lower lip and grinned up at him before taking note of the confused look on his face, "Piggy back is when I have my legs on either side of your hips, my front to your back and princess style is where you have one arm under my knees and an arm around my back."

"That sounds. . . Interesting." Was the only thing he could think to come up with and she laughed, resting her head against his arm for a moment as they continued to walk.

The silence that bloomed between them was easy as they walked. People gave them odd looks, but they didn't noticed, they'd been getting odd looks since they'd met each other. It was easy to tell that Shepard and Garrus had been fast friends on the original Normandy and time had not changed that, no matter that she was dead for two years. As they approached the docking bay, Shepard seemed to slow to stride, forcing Garrus to slow down as well, but he didn't question her, not one bit.

* * *

As they were walking towards the elevator, Astra stopped and looked at Garrus. "Come up for awhile?" She asked him in a soft voice, a voice he'd never heard and he wondered what it would sound like in the darkness of a bedroom with nothing standing between them except air.

"Sure, whatever you want." The answer was automatic and it put a genuine smile on her face as she opened the elevator and pulled him inside, clicking the button for her cabin.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, sneaking glances at each other and for a moment, Astra felt like a foolish, giddy teenager and she wasn't sure what came over her, but as soon as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, she pulled Garrus out with her and without a thought, pressed him up against the wall by her door.

Shock etched his face, but he didn't push her away and that just encouraged her to press up against him. He pressed his hands against her shoulders and for a moment, she thought he was going to push her away from him, but he didn't just pulled her into a tight embrace. She leaned forward, intent on his mouth. She was more than positive that turians didn't kiss the way humans did, but she could teach him, she was sure of that.

Leaning up, she pressed her lips against his and felt a thrill in doing so. He was hesitant, almost nervous, but he just mimicked her to the best of his ability and she was okay with that, she could explain herself later as she looped her arms around his neck and raised herself up more fully on her tiptoes. Maybe it was all the alcohol or maybe she'd known this would happen and had just needed the right sort of encouragement, whatever the reason, her heart beat a frantic rhythm and she leaned back slightly to look at him. Shepard knew this was not the first time they'd kissed each other and she hoped that it wouldn't be the last time and with ragged breath she traced the tips of her fingers over his mandible.

"Stay with me tonight, just to sleep, nothing more. I don't quite know what this is, but I want to know more." She looked at him and waited with wide, vulnerable eyes for him response and what he gave her was so much better than the simple yes she'd been looking for.

He scooped her up into his arms and strode with confidence into her cabin. Once inside, he gently set her on her feet and she kicked off her shoes, pulled off her jeans and removed her shirt, leaving her in her tank top and underwear. Normally, she slept naked, but with him here for the first time, she wasn't sure that either of them could handle that. He stripped down as well, so that all he was left in was what she assumed where his underwear and for a moment, they just stared at each other.

She took his hand and stepped backwards towards the bed. Releasing his hand she pulled back the blankets and crawled in, scooting all the way over to the other side, then patted the spot that she had left for him. With bated breath, she watched him crawl in next to her and with a wave of her hand, the lights shut off with only the blue glow of the fish tank to light the room.

They laid there, eyes on each other, just staring, studying, and taking the other in. Astra didn't know how long they'd laid like that, looking at each other, but before she knew it her eyes had drifted shut and the last thing she remembered was a strong arm wrapping around and pulling her close to a hard, plated chest where she slumbered easily, for once with hardly frightening dreams to disturb her slumber.

* * *

Author note: So. Much. Fluff. I will have to add some action next chapter. Also, longest chapter so far!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I'm just playing with their toys.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

A hand reached out to nudge her shoulder, one she was very familiar with, but she just pulled the blanket more securely over her head. "Shepard, come on you have to get up." His voice made her smile and caused her head to pound that much harder.

"Hell to the fucking no." She mumbled, peeking out at him and quickly retreating under the blanket when the lights made contact with her eyes.

"The Illusive man wants to talk to you." Just that name out of his mouth had her sitting up, rearing backwards to flip the blanket off her and looked at him dead on with wary emerald eyes.

"He can bugger off, I'm not in the mood to do more than sleep or possibly take a nice long shower." Astra lifted her hand to brush back tangled strawberry blond curls and eyed Garrus as he shook his head, a smirk on his face.

"You say that now, Shepard, but you know you're going to end up getting up and going to talk to him anyways." She heaved a sigh, Garrus just knew her too well and thus, she rose from her bed and went on a hunt for a clean uniform.

Having found one, she eyed Garrus once more, "I'm going to take a quick shower, get ready and then head down to talk to him, you can use the shower after me if you want, it's up to you." Astra gave him a warm smile before she disappeared inside the bathroom. With quick fingers she turned on the shower and stripped down. While the water heated, she looked in the mirror, toying with her curls. They were a mess, a complete and utter mess. Shaking her head, she turned away and stepped into the water. There was much to do today and she couldn't waste time sorting out her hair, let alone any other problems that she might have going on with herself.

* * *

Dear lord, that man had the worst news of her life. Well, she guessed it wasn't the worst news, but she hadn't really wanted to hear it all the same. The collectors had hit Horizon and no matter how much she wished that she didn't have to go there, she had to because Kaiden was there and she couldn't let him down, not again.

So, now, she stood on Horizon staring at this consol waiting for EDI to tell them that the canons were ready. They'd found one person, one person who wasn't in that strange stasis, who wasn't already on their ship going through god knows what sort of torture. She breathed out a breath as she moved into cover and started sniping away at anything that carried a gun or charged towards her and than that god awful creepy ass laser shooting asshole thing had to show up.

Astra ran in circles, hiding when she could and cursing at the thing as it shot not more than a foot behind her. "Kill it! I can barely get a shot in without it firing lasers at me!" She squealed as she rolled behind cover and dragged in quick breaths.

She could hear them laughing, Garrus and Kasumi, no matter how serious this fight was it wasn't often that Commander Astra Shepard, War Hero and Savior of the Citadel was found running away from an enemy rather than shooting at it, but she couldn't very well shoot at it when it's lasers took down her shields in a matter of seconds. "Garrus Vakarian, if you don't take that bitch out soon, I am going to paint you to look like Barney and then I will make fun of you, you big bird brain!" All that got her was more laughter from Kasumi and a very confused "What?" from Garrus. She didn't take the time to explain it to him because she could already hear Kasumi doing that for her as the thing went down to repair its shields or whatever it did and she was quick to run up into cover next to Garrus. "Maybe now it till shoot at you instead of me." She huffed at him as she dragged in breath after breath.

"I doubt it; I think it may be in love with you." He joked lightly and all he got in return was a withering look from an obviously annoyed and worn out Shepard. She whipped out her pistol then, knowing that she wouldn't be able to snipe this thing, not if she was going to have to run from it again. She popped up out of cover and started firing off rounds at it, desperate now to take it out. She wanted to be done with this place and thus, her hands pulled back the trigger in quick movements. Just a little bit longer and they could kill this thing, just a few more shots and it would be done with.

Moving quickly, she shifted from cover to cover, firing at it whenever she got the chance and that seemed to be enough to cause the thing to finally die. She leaned back against a crate before shoving off and moving forward to watch the ship take off. The man she'd seen earlier was yelling, saying they could have done more, but she was barely listening, even as he raved about how she was Commander Shepard, thanks to Kasumi calling her by her nickname and then a voice, one she was familiar with reached her ears and her eyes zeroed in on him.

"Kaiden, glad to see they didn't take you." Her voice was warm and friendly and she accepted Kaiden's offered hand with ease, shaking it with a smile on her face and then it all went downhill from there.

"Why didn't you contact me? Obviously you got a hold of Garrus, but why didn't you say anything to me?" Kaiden's words demanded an answer and she would give it to him.

"I was dead, blown to bits according to the reports I've read. I couldn't contact anyone in the two years it took Cerberus to rebuild me." She spoke softly and matter-of-factly, but she wasn't sure he would listen.

"So they weren't lying when they said you were a traitor." He spoke the words and it was as though he'd slapped her and her temper flared.

"Traitor? I'm the traitor after the Alliance gave up on me? After no one listened to a damn thing I had to say?" Astra took a menacing step closer to Kaiden and like the fool he sometimes was, he didn't move and Shepard lashed out, throwing up a punch right into his jaw, causing him to stumble backwards, "I have done nothing, but try to save these people, don't you dare call me a traitor." She snapped the words out at him.

Kaiden didn't say anything, just stared at her and she drew her arm back for another hit. A hand wrapped around her fist and Shepard turned her head sharply to look at Garrus.

"That's enough Shepard, he's not worth it." Her tense posture relaxed and she let out a long, slow breath.

"You're right, he's not. I'm done here. Have fun with your life, Kaiden." She turned her back on him, all the fight draining out of her. First Tali and now Kaiden, talking to her like she was an abomination that was all she really was. She would finish this war and disappear, no one would miss her.

She could hear Kaiden talking again, saying something about telling the Alliance, but she could have cared less. Anderson and Hackett already knew she was alive, she'd already talked to Anderson and the Council and they'd allowed her to remain a Spectre, so anything Kaiden had to say would be ignored by them for the most part. As she listened to the sound of him walking away, she radioed Joker, "Get me off this planet. Now." Normally, she wasn't one to demand like that, but right now, she just wanted to be anywhere, but here.

"You got it, Shepard." He replied, but without his usual pep.

* * *

It was good to be back on the ship, at least that's what she would have thought if her mind wasn't in total chaos. Normally, she would have greeted Joker as she walked through the CIC, but instead, she walked right on by him and headed straight to the elevator, ignoring Garrus and Kasumi as they called after her. Right now, she just wanted to be alone, she didn't want to have to deal with anyone, she wanted to shower and curl up in her bed and take a nap and not have any important missions to deal with. She knew she needed to talk to Miranda and Jacob in the debriefing room, but she just didn't have the energy to do that right now.

The ride to her cabin was silent except for the low hum of the elevator as it moved upwards. When the doors slid open, she walked out and typed in the code for her cabin and entered. She tossed her armor haphazardly to the floor as she moved towards the bathroom. Turning on the water, she unzipped her undersuit and dropped it to the floor, kicking it under the sink as she stepped into the warm water. Astra tilted her face towards it, hands resting on the wall while her eyes closed and she just allowed herself that single moment to breathe before she started to wash her hair and body. As soon as all that was done, she shut off the water and grabbed a towel. As she was drying off, she glanced it the mirror, like she did every time she walked into the bathroom. She could still see the faint scars and the soft orange glow of the cybernetics underneath her skin. They were fading, but they still marked her, reminding her of what had happened to her.

Turning away, she ran a comb through her unruly hair with swift easy strokes before she ambled into her room and flopped naked onto the bed. She lay like that, looking up at the skylight above her. She loved to look, but she could only do it for so long before she would shut the shutters and curl up in a ball on her bed. Letting out a sigh, she did just that and as she was burying her face into a pillow, she caught Garrus' scent, warm and familiar. It made her smile and with thoughts of him floating around her head, she drifted into a fitful slumber.


	8. Chapter 8

This took forever and that's my fault. I had some trouble with school, work and just life in general and I apologize for that. I won't bore you with what happened, I'll just give you the chapter now.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I just like playing with their toys.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Her slumber had started out easy and simple, with inappropriate dreams to make even a whore blush, but soon they drifted to darker things, things that involved losing Garrus, dying again, failing to save others she loved. None of it was real, she knew this, but it felt so real. She woke with a start, staring at the darkness around her with wide, fear filled eyes before she realized where she was and that everything was alright, at least for the moment. Astra laid there when something caught her attention. Shifting, she realized she was under the blankets and was no longer cuddling the pillow. Sitting up, she looked down at herself. An old t-shirt was on her as well and she could have sworn she went to bed with nothing on, but her own skin. Completely flabbergasted, she looked around her room and her eyes landed on Kasumi and Garrus, both sitting on her couch completely out.

Kasumi had claimed most of the couch, lying down across the larger length while Garrus was reclining in a corner, legs out in front of him and a smile twitched at the corners of her lips. Shepard couldn't honestly admit that she couldn't have asked for better friends, even if they did break into her cabin while she was naked. . .Oh lord. Her face heated and her sea foam green eyes grew wide with embarrassment. Her hands flew up to her cheeks with an audible slap and a look of pure, unadulterated horror spread like wild fire across her features and a small squeak hit the air, waking both her space invaders.

"Shep? What's wrong?" Kasumi questioned her sleepily, but all Astra could do was gesture at herself, unable to explain as she stared at Garrus like he might eat her for dinner or something outrageous like that, "Oh, I get it. I think. No, he didn't see anything. I walked in here before him or at least I don't think he saw anything." A sly smile spread over Kasumi's lips, but Shepard didn't see it because even with that answer, she was staring at Garrus and Garrus was become more than slightly uncomfortable with the intense look in his friend's eyes.

Garrus opened his mouth like he was about to say something and then closed it again, not sure of what he needed to say to her. They were so busy having this awkward staring contest that they totally missed Kasumi walking out and she didn't even cloak before she did so.

"Garrus Vakarian, I am going to ask you once and only once, did you see anything? Now answer me truthfully." Her voice was soft, but it still commanded his attention and an answer from him.

"Well, I was behind Kasumi, but we all know that I tower over human males even so seeing into your room over her head was no big deal. If it's any consolation, you were laying on your stomach." He spoke the words truthfully and quickly, a turian grin of, he hoped, encouragement showing on his face.

Dropping her hands into her lap, she hung her head and glared up at him through the fall of her curls, "I hate you right now, you and Kasumi. I hate the both of you. When a door is locked, it's locked for a reason. Doesn't matter that I wasn't happy, breaking in is still breaking in no matter who it is." She huffed out before reaching behind her to fling a pillow at him accusingly.

It wasn't a very effective weapon; he just deflected it with ease and smirked at her. As they sat there in the silence, Astra realized just how close they really were. Most people couldn't read the expressions on Garrus' face, while she could. She could tell you just what each and every one of them meant, they'd been friends just that long even if she had been a lump of meat for two of those years, and she could never forget him and his mannerisms.

"Shepard, about what happened on Horizon, Kasumi and I were worried and we just wanted to make sure that you were okay." Her eyes drifted up to his and she smiled a slightly shy smile and shook her head slowly.

"It was bound to happen and no matter how hurt it made me, I still have you and that's all I need right now. Sure, Joker and Chakwas are here too, but they aren't on the battle field with me. You are. You have my six and you always will it seems. You give up so much for me and I don't know why." Astra shook her head, laughing softly.

That look was on his face again, that look she couldn't place, but made her feel all warm and fuzzy. She wanted to ask him what it meant, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything as she rose from the bed with ease and stretched her arms over her head. She was glad Kasumi or whoever had put this particular shirt on her as it fell to her knees and made it possible to for her to move around without flashing anyone anything.

For the moment, neither of them said anything at Astra stretched and twisted, popping things and loosening up sore, tight muscles and then he did speak and her full attention was on him and that soft, strange almost purring sound that he was making, "I'll always be here, Shepard, for as long as you need me, no matter how short or long that time may be."  
She looked at him then, really looked at him and wanted to say that she knew he would always be there for her, but in her heart, she couldn't. She'd thought Kaiden and Tali would always be there for her, but friendship didn't always work that way and thus, she smiled at him, a sad, little smile that said she wanted to believe in him, but just couldn't. Not right now anyways. Taking a deep breath, she turned from him and walked to her closet to pull out clothes. "Come on, you better head out while I get ready. I get the feeling I'm about to be swamped with things to do." A smirk ghosted over her lips as she shooed him out, walking him to the door and watching him until he left on the elevator before turning around and dragging on her clothes. Astra got the feeling that today was going to be a very long day.

* * *

She was completely and utterly right. Both Jacob and Miranda had stuff they wanted her to do for them as well as things that still needed to be done for both Zaeed and Kasumi and with her fabulous luck, none of those places were in the same spot. She would be racing everyone just to get it done. At least Miranda's request was on Illium where they had two other members to recruit for their ever growing team and she would get the chance to see Liara. Thus that would be their destination. She'd be killing more than two birds with one stone by doing this and in her book, that was a big, bright plus sign.

So off they were, onto their next hair raising adventure and it wasn't even a decent hour, at least not in Shepard's book, but beggars couldn't be choosers. So, Astra walked around, greeting people, talking to them and finally, she sat down in the mess hall to some much need breakfast.

There were very few people up and about, most of them were either sleeping or off doing their duties, but that was okay with her. Right now, she needed this down time to think things through. What was she going to do once all of this was over? Was she going to retire and find a different sort of living for herself or would she keeping doing this? This constant fighting thing seemed to either go very badly for her or fabulously and those thoughts weighted on her mind. This same question had been turning over in her mind since she'd woken up, completely rebuilt and working for Cerberus, though she strongly believed that she was just using them to further her cause, she was still following along with many of the tasks they set out for her to do and thus, she couldn't deny that it felt like she was taking orders from them. That left a bitter taste in her mouth that she was sure she would never grow used to.

Eating rather slowly, she kept letting these thoughts slosh around in her mind until she couldn't take it anymore and she shoveled the last of her food into her mouth and rose, still chewing as she took the try back over to Gardner for washing and then turned to head towards the battery to inform Garrus that he would be coming with her on Illium. Hopefully, things would go be smoothly for once.


	9. Chapter 9

Well, this was supposed to be done last week, but my laptop decided to fry and I lost the whole chapter that I had written, thus, I had to rewrite it, but now it's here and I'm sorry it took so long. Also, I'm writing a one shot that should be up either Monday or Tuesday night. Anyways, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I'm just playing with their stuff.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

She had long ago decided that she needed to learn to keep her mouth SHUT. Hiding behind a crate, Astra peeked over and glared at the group of mercs waiting to shoot her head off if she dared to lift it to high over the edge of her cover. She shifted back down and looked at Garrus, nose wrinkled and a look of 'fuck my life' written clearly across her face and all she got from him was a raise of his brow plate and a soft chuckle. Stupid Turian. The mercs didn't like that and started shooting at the crate again which only served to piss Shepard off.

"Are they really that stupid? Haven't they figured out that this crate is not going to break no matter how many times they shot at it?" She huffed out before popping up and taking several of them out before diving back down into cover. "Miranda, I blame you." There was laughter to her tone; Shepard wasn't overly worried about getting out of here, because even when things went wrong, they always seemed to find a way out of the problem. However, Miranda seemed to be in no laughing mood and Astra was forced to sigh and shake off the frown that was tossed her way. She didn't really blame Miranda, but at the same time, it was kind of her fault they were in this mess.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Shepard readied herself for her next move, knowing full well that she was going to have to end this sooner or later if they were going to make it to Miranda's sister in time, thus, she put on her determined face and rose in one swift move to fire off her shots.

* * *

After the battle was over, everything had gone on smoothly and now, Astra stood watching Miranda speak to her sister. It put a smile on her face to see the normally uptight woman, smiling and seemingly carefree. Shifting her gaze towards her other companion, her brows drew together. Garrus had the oddest expression on his face, like he was looking at Miranda and Oriana and envying her. She didn't know what to think of that. Yes, she knew he had a sister, but Shepard wasn't sure what to say. She was an only child and thus, she'd never had that problem of missing her siblings. Sure, she missed her mom with all her heart, but that was about it. Pushing those thoughts aside, she leaned towards him and bumped her armored shoulder against his and smiled up at him when he looked down at her and that was all he needed to seemingly feel better.

As she turned back to look at Miranda, it seemed her conversation was over with her sister, so she turned and walked towards the elevator, followed by her team mates. She hoped this would bring them all closer on some level that helping out those from Cerberus would help change their feelings about aliens and make them realize that some of the things they thought were not true. However, that would come in time, she was sure of that.

Her musings stopped when they stepped off the elevator and headed towards their docking bay. Her eyes traveled around her and for a moment, she missed it all. Life had been much simpler before Eden Prime, now her life was a crazy mess, she'd been fighting the reapers for so long, she wasn't sure what to think anymore, hell, the collectors had killed her only two years ago, two years she could never get back. Giving her head a light, she focused once more on the task at hand.

Miranda had asked to go back to the ship, only for the fact that she had paperwork to get done and thus, Shepard leaned against the wall outside the airlock, waiting for Kasumi to hurry up and get out there. Garrus loitered not too far away and with a wicked little grin, she reached into a hidden pocket and pulled out a piece of candy. Popping the hard candy into her mouth, she wadded up the wrapper and aimed at his head before she threw it, hitting him right in the side of the head with the small object.

Garrus turned and looked at her before looking down at the wrapper that lay in a ball on the ground. Leaning down he picked it up and threw it back at her, hitting her right on the nose. A rather fake pout creased her lips before she picked up and threw it back. When it missed, a glare form on her features and she decided that it was on, war had been declared and thus, that little ball of trash became a most interesting game.

"Will you two stop flirting?" Astra jumped at the sound of Kasumi's voice before a laugh bubbled up in her throat.

"We aren't flirting, you were taking too long so I had to amuse myself and well, this happened." She gestured toward Garrus who was still aiming the piece of paper at her head.

With a shake of her head, Kasumi walked away from them, "Come on then, children, we have people to recruit." Shepard grinned at her words and shook her head before jogging to catch up with their little ninja, Garrus hot on her heels.

"Who do we want to go get first? Samara or Thane? We have to talk to Liara after we get one of them at least." Astra was musing aloud, but both Garrus and Kasumi answered her.

"Thane."

"Samara." Garrus shot a look at Kasumi and for a minute, Shepard wondered if Garrus had something against the assassin they were going to get and yet, she wasn't surprised that he wanted to get Samara first. They'd spent so much time with Liara that it was odd not having an Asari on the ship with them, but rather than chose a side, she turned towards them and came to a stop.

"Okay. Pick a number between one and ten." Both Garrus and Kasumi gave her the oddest looks she'd ever been given, "Come on, just do it. I don't care who we go after and that's why I wanted you guys to decide, but you seem inclined to have different tastes, thus pick a damn number."

"Four." Kasumi was quick to throw out a number, but Garrus seemed to think on it, mumbling to himself softly before his eyes locked on Shepard's.

"Seven." A grin bloomed on her face and she shook her head.

"I never should have told you my favorite number. Looks like we're going after Samara." She turned away from them and walked off, heading towards their next mission.


	10. Chapter 10

Progress is being made! Somewhat as well as some relationship development. I've also decided that for each chapter, I'll put down the song that really inspired the chapter. Now, I know not everyone is going to like my taste in music, but that's just how life is so please don't get all uppity with me over my music choices.

Song: Come and Get It - Selena Gomez

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I'm just playing with their toys.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"I think I'm in love." Astra stared with wide, awe filled eyes at the Asari before her. Now, Shepard had never been a fan of Asari, but she was so powerful! Only biotic that Shepard had ever seen with power even remotely close to this was Liara or maybe Kaiden. In this moment, Astra wished that she was more than just an infiltrator. She wished she'd been born a biotic. Sure, she knew these daydreamer's fantasies wouldn't last, but for now, she could dream as she watched Samara with wide sea form hued eyes.

"Shep, darling, you can give her goo-goo eyes when we're done here." Kasumi said, breaking into Astra's thoughts before bumping her shoulder against the Commander's. Shepard grinned before focusing on the task at hand once more. No more distractions. They had shit to get done.

* * *

It was officially break time. They'd gotten Samara after going on a crazy adventure that involved much fighting and an overwhelming want to just go home and take a long nap and that was exactly what Commander Astra R. Shepard had in mind. In the group of four went, walking through the airlock of the Normandy and into CIC. "Joker, stay docked, we still have to get Thane and see Liara. I just need a break from all the gunfire." She smirked, shaking her head and stretching her arms over her head, "Samara, make yourself at home. You are free to roam the ship as it pleases you." She cast a look over her shoulder at the Asari.

"Thank you, Commander Shepard." Samara inclined her head before following Kasumi to the elevator, which left Shepard alone with Joker and Garrus.

Green eyes turned to Joker, "Behave yourself while I take a nap." Turning away, she walked towards the elevator, listening to the soft chatter of the people around her and the thump of Garrus' armored feet. However, her escape was thwarted by Kelly calling after her with a list of people who needed to talk to her. Garrus waved a taloned hand at her in farewell and all she could do was make a face before she went to listen to what the overly peppy woman had to say to her.

* * *

Making friends with one's crew was hard. Mordin and Grunt now had stuff for her to do for them and well, she was exhausted. Her mind was always running a hundred miles a minute and it was like she couldn't ever just relax. The galaxy always needed saving and someone always needed something from her. Heaving a sigh, she leaned back against the wall by the elevator, looking at the door to her cabin with a look of trepidation.

In her gut, she felt as though someone might be waiting on the other side of that door for her and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out what it was. Then again, she could just be imagining things and going crazy. She liked that answer, it meant she was just getting paranoid and she shoved off the wall only to stop as the doors opened and the angry, seemingly flaming ice blue eyes of Garrus met hers and she opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it.

Astra was no fool. She knew what he was here to tell her and she nodded her head before he had a moment to speak. "EDI, tell Joker to set course to wherever it is, Garrus Vakarian needs us to go."

"Right away, Commander." She responded and Shepard let out a slow breath before looking back at Garrus and what she saw in his eyes scared her. For once, she understood why Turians were almost as feared as Krogan.

* * *

Had she made a horrible choice? He was so mad at her for saving Sidonis. The whole ride back to the Normandy had been awkward and tense. It was like he didn't want to be within a mile of her and as soon as they'd walked out of the airlock, he'd bee-lined it for the elevator and was gone before a word could leave her mouth. Now? She was sitting in the mess hall, staring at the doors of the main battery like a scolded puppy who just wanted to come back inside. However, she could not bring herself to go in after him. Astra knew that nothing good would come of it and thus, she sat and stared and waited.

It wasn't long before she thumped her forehead down onto the table and began to lightly beat it against the hard surface, causing a headache to bloom behind her eyes, but she just couldn't stop, at least not until she heard the sound of a mug being placed in front of her and slide until it bumped against the crown of her head. Her head and eyes shot up and there before her was not who she wanted and she was surprised.

"Miranda?" There was a note of question to her name, even though she'd meant it as a statement, however the other woman didn't seem to care that much.

"Drink it. It's your favorite, I think. Lavender tea with a spoonful of honey, right?" She sounded almost worried about how Shepard would take this random act of kindness, like Astra was some fat cow who would throw it back in her face, but all she did was smile, lift the mug and take a slow sip.

It was heavenly. "Yes, you're right. Thank you." She took another bigger sip before setting the mug down once more and looking wistfully at the doors once more.

"He'll come around, I'm sure of it." Shepard's eyes drifted toward Miranda and she raised a quizzical brow at her, "Shepard, he's your friend, has been for a long time. He's mad now, but he'll realize his friendship with you is more important." With that, the dark haired woman turned away and walked back into her office.

With a longing sigh, Shepard spoke to the air, "I hope you're right, Miranda." Closing her eyes, she leaned back in her seat, taking the occasional sip of the soothing tea before in her hands. It was a lovely of Miranda to do that for her and in that moment, Astra realized she'd taken a step towards being close to the Cerberus agent. Hopefully, when the time came for Shepard to quit, Miranda would stand beside her and defend her, but she wasn't holding her breath. Not by a long shot. As that thought finished and the last of her tea was drunk down, Astra laid her head on the table top, eyes still glued to that door, that door that would lead her to her nearest and dearest friend and with arms folded under her head, she drifted off into a fitful, uncomfortable sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

It's late, I know it's late, but my evil laptop ate this chapter, twice. I had to recover it and then retype half of it. I need a new computer. -goes to cry- And well, I was watching the movie mentioned in here and that's the only reason it's in here, otherwise I would have picked something else, but I like that one and it fit what I wanted!

Songs: When She Cries - Britt Nicole, The Beauty and the Tragedy - Trading Yesterday

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, I just wanna play with their stuff!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

She'd been dreaming, sweet dreams of times gone by. One dream was of her and her father, playing some game, another was of her and Garrus under the Mako as he showed her all the parts and teaching her how to fix them and the last one that she could remember was something she'd known hadn't happened, it showed her standing on a beach, looking out over the waters and then, she was turning and all it showed was her face as a radiant smile lit up her face and she wondered who she was smiling at, even as her heart told her and then it all faded away into nothing more than those hazy dreams that you can't recall.

The sensation of being lifted filled her, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, instead, she curled into the hard chest, harder than any she'd ever curled into, and mumbled sleepily. Somehow, she knew this was where she belonged, in these unfamiliar, but much loved arms. It was so warm here, warmer than she'd ever been and it seemed to chase away the nightmares that haunted her, it chased them away and left her feeling like she was laid out on a tropical beach, waves lapping the shoreline and a blazing sun shining down to warm her skin and then her mind was blank, dragged into a deep, dreamless sleep where all thoughts were fleeting and unremarkable.

Her sleepy haze began to lift and she wonder how long she'd slept as she stretched out and her elbow clipped the edge of something hard and unfamiliar. That unfamiliar object made an offended noise before scooting away from her. Astra opened her eyes and sat up with so much force she almost fell off the cot that was nearly too small for two people or even one Krogan. Sea foam eyes shot towards the offending thing and was more than a wee bit stunned by what she saw. She wasn't in her cabin that was obvious. No, she was in the main battery and she happened to be staring at Garrus' back. How the hell had she gotten here?

Feeling remarkably unkind, she picked up one of her boots off the floor and threw hit him with it. Sure, it wasn't one of her armored boots, but it was still pretty heavy and it got her the desired reaction, sort of.

Three things happened after that. First, Garrus woke up, failing, second, he fell off the small cot, cursing colorfully and causing Shepard's translator to sputter unintelligibly at her and third, that rather peeved off turian stood from the ground and glared at her, this god awful look that would have caused a Krogan to run away screaming like a little bitch.

"Get over it." She snapped at him, rising up on her knees on the cot to glare back at him on more even ground. He didn't relent and he didn't say a damned word so finally, when her frustration reached an all new high, she leaned towards him awkwardly, hands on hips, "How did I get here?" There was a command in her voice that he couldn't ignore.

"I walked out to get something and you were passed out at the table. I took pity on you and went to take you up to your cabin, but you wouldn't let me, so you ended up here." She could hear the silently added get out at the end of that speech and she wanted to slap him, but knew that unless she hit his injured cheek, she probably wouldn't pack much punch into it, she was just too sleepy still.

Rolling her eyes, she rose, picked up her boots by the laces and tossed them over her shoulder. "Well, that was nice of you, I guess." With a final roll of her eyes, she marched out of the room, bare feet trapping the ground as she moved over the cold floor. A shower and a new change of clothes, that was what she needed and then off to shot some bad guys, yes, that sounded like the perfect day to her. At least, that's what she'd been planning at first. She made it to her cabin, made it through showering and then got distracted. They were old, so old it was a miracle they still worked. Cerberus had somehow gotten them for her and that was all she could ask for really. She'd collected them, many of them she'd gotten from old boxes that her mom had backed away.

She ran her fingers over the glossy cases of the DVDs. They were in good shape, only because she took care of them and feeling sentimental, she grabbed one out of the stand. Up, it was a movie she'd always connected with, but hadn't watched in years. The last time she could remember watching it was three days after she'd completed the N7 program. Her smile grew as she set to work making it possible to watch it.

Astra was curled up on a corner of her couch, cozy shorts and tank top on, wrapped in a blanket and eyes glistening with tears. Oh the first ten minutes of this movie, how they could manipulate one's emotions and she sniffed, watching as Ellie and Carl grew old and finally, Ellie's funeral. She wanted a love like that. She wanted to know what it was like to have someone love her so much, they couldn't imagine being without her and suddenly, and she had this overwhelming urge. Pausing the movie, she rose swiftly to her feet and ran out of her cabin and to the elevator. She paced the length of it as it slowly descended and then those doors slide over and she burst out, running towards the main battery and causing nearly everyone to cast her worried and surprised looks. Chakwas even went so far as to stick her head out of her office and yell after her, but she wasn't listening. She was on a mission of her own.

The doors to the main battery slide open as she came to them and Garrus turned to look at her, surprise written all over his face as she threw her arms around him without warning. He held her, confused and unsure of what to do and then Astra was talking, lifting her face to look him in the eyes and searched them ask words spilled forward, "Garrus, I don't want to be alone. I don't have the words to tell you how much I care about you, except that every time I'm with you, I feel like I can fly, like my heart isn't in my chest, but in your hands and that at any moment you could shatter it and I don't want you to do that, I just want you to hold it and cherish it, the way I cherish you." She was gasping for breath, looking at him and begging him to answer, begging him to acknowledge what she had said, but he wasn't sure he could, not yet and so, he stared at her and slowly watched her features fall and she took a few shaky steps away from him, head hung and somehow, he knew her heart was breaking.


	12. Chapter 12

Forgive this one because she just got her computer back and did not plan on getting it back so late because she was told it would be done Monday and it wasn't done till about 8 this morning. Stupid computer people, but now it's all fixed and I don't feel the need to kill it anymore.

Songs: Mulan Soundtrack, don't ask me why. . .

Disclaimer: Bioware owns this lovely world, I'm just torturing some characters. . . er loving them? Yes, loving them. -shifty eyes-

* * *

**Chapter 12**

She woke with a start from a dream she'd believed to be so real. Sea green eyes shifted to the screen and she took a deep breath. Okay, so she had watched Up and she'd just fallen asleep to it. Her conversation with Garrus or rather her confession to Garrus had never actually happened. Or had it? Astra wasn't sure she wanted to find out and thus, she decided to just lay there on her couch in the awkward position and try to figure that out. Everything had seemed so real and yet, she didn't believe it. Her mind was a haze and she reached up and rubbed her eyes idly before shifting to rise from the couch.

Stretching her arms over her head, fingers linked together, she arched her back and let out a soft groan as it popped and she grinned, pure bliss written all over her face before her thoughts turned back to what she believed to be a dream and she came to the conclusion that for now, she would ignore it, pretend like it never happened. That was the best course of action right now. If she let it bother her, it could affect the mission and she just couldn't have that. Not right now. Checking the clock and approving of the time, she pulled on her armor and headed out to drag people along to go get shit done.

As she walked through the CIC, she started to think her dream had defiantly been more than just a dream. People were casting her side long looks, like they expected her to shatter into a million pieces at a moment's notice, but she just brushed it off and went to lean on the back of Joker's chair. "Joker, call up Garrus and Kasumi. We're going to go get supplies and then head to Illium to get Thane." Joker cast her an odd look before glaring at EDI.

"You heard her, call them up here." Joker grumbled, lounging back in his seat so he could get a good look at Shepard's face. Keeping her face carefully neutral, she turned away from him and walked into the airlock to wait for the others, leaning idly against the door. Her mind was a mess of thoughts and feelings she wasn't ready to submit to, but when she heard footsteps, her eye snapped towards the entry way and locked with a pair of piercing blue ones. For a minute they just stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say to the other and Astra felt the wall around her heart break a little and she realized that what she had hoped was a horrible nightmare, was real, pure and simple, that awful moment in the main battery had happened and he'd let her leave, breaking her heart and she looked away from him quickly, swallowing convulsively.

A sigh of relief left her when Kasumi showed up moments later and she turned without a word and left the airlock and headed straight for the shops. She didn't want nor feel the need to talk to either of them right now. She didn't want to hear any excuses from him and her pace was rapid as she moved, curling locks bouncing around her shoulders and she regretted not putting it up, however it made a good shield for her face whenever Garrus or Kasumi came up to her side. She could hide her emotions from them easily.

They walked through the Citadel, silence their only companion until Shepard came to a pause in front of a shop selling pets. Her lips turned up into a slow smile as she looked in on the animals and for the moment, her worries seemed to fade into the background as a gray and white puppy bounded up to the glass, rump in the air and chest nearly one the ground, growling playfully at her through the barrier that separated them. "Well, aren't you the cutest damn thing?" She cooed softly before rising up from her partially crouched position and glanced over at Kasumi and Garrus. Both were giving her an odd look, like they didn't understand why her attention as so enraptured on this small ball of fluff.

Letting out a soft sigh, she touched her fingers lightly to the glass and her lips tilted in a sad smile as the puppy licked the glass and whined when he realized he couldn't get to her. Turning her back to it, she walked away, heading out to gather the supplies that they needed. She missed the look on Garrus' face as he looked at the puppy then back at her as she moved away.

* * *

Hours later, Shepard sat on her bed fiddling with a mod for her sniper. She was so focused that she didn't even notice when the doors slide open and something came barreling in and then that small object jumped up onto her bed and was in her face in a moment's notice. A squeal of shock hit the air and she lifted the small animal away from her face and blinked, surprised when she realized it was the small gray and white puppy she'd been looking at earlier today. "Where did you come from, little guy?" She looked at him more closely and noticed the blue ribbon around his neck.

A tag hung there and she shifted it around to read it even as the puppy tried to nip at her fingers. She read the tag and surprised washed over her features once more, 'Happy belated Birthday, Astra and I'm sorry. Garrus.' Looking down at the puppy, she cradled him close to her chest, causing him to squirm a little before settling into her hold. Her lips curled in a smile and she kissed the top of the puppy's head before rising from her bed with him still in her grasp. "Come my sweet little Felix, we have a certain turian to thank." Felix yipped happily in her arms as she set him on the ground, smiling as he followed close behind her.

* * *

She hit the crew deck and moved towards the main battery, Felix hot on her heels and bouncing on over sized paws. She wasn't sure what breed he was, but that didn't matter. He was a cute little fuzz ball and that was all that mattered to her as she moved to the doors and they slide open, only to reveal that Garrus was sound asleep, out like a light and she didn't want to wake him, thus, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his temple before she turned and left once more, picking Felix up to hold him close and coo softly at him as she made her way back to her cabin, prepared to order everything the little scrap of fur would need to live on the ship with her and the rest of the crew.


	13. Chapter 13

Well, I was gone for the holiday, an impromptu family thing and thus, had no internet so here is the chapter for this story.

Songs: Thriller - Michael Jackson

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

The next morning cycle, Kasumi walked into Shepard's room only to find her playing with the little pup. Felix turned a blue eye on Kasumi, glaring at her in a comical fashion as if he was deciding whether to lick or chomp the shadowed figure standing at the edge of what he'd claimed as his bed. Astra leaned forward and grabbed him, picking him up and cradling him in the crook of her neck and shoulder.

"He's a cute one. Didn't we see him at the pet store?" Kasumi asked, reaching out a hand to gently scratch behind one of Felix's ears. The puppy nipped at her hand before settling into the touch, sapphire eyes closing.

"Yeah, we did see him at the pet store, but I didn't get him, Garrus did. A belated birthday present it said. I didn't think he'd know about that." Her voice took on a thoughtful edge as she stroked callused fingers over Felix's nose causing the gray and white ball of fluff to tilt his head back and try to get his sharp little teeth around the tip of her finger, but she was much too quick for him and managed to get out of his reach just in time.

The two sat talking and playing with the puppy, just enjoying the short amount of down time before they arrived on Illium again to get Thane.

* * *

When they arrived at Illium, Felix was happily sleeping while Kasumi and Shepard talked strategy and it was about that time that her doors slide open and in walked her favorite turian. Rising to her feet, she didn't even care if he didn't want her touching him; she launched herself into him and hugged him around the neck as best she could with his cowl in her way. "Thank you! He's adorable!" For a minute it was as if Garrus didn't realize what she was talking and then he coughed lightly, clearing his throat before he gave her the turian equivalent of a shy, embarrassed smile and she could just barely here a soft humming noise come from him that she felt resembled the purr of a cat and for a moment, she didn't want to let go of him, but she did, stepping back, knowing that even if she cared for him, he did not return those feelings.

"You're welcome. I felt I needed to get you something since, well, you were sort of dead these last two years and I wasn't able to. Making up for lost time and all that." He seemed utterly embarrassed to have been tackled by her, but right now she didn't really care. He'd done something sweet for her and she wondered if a part of him was trying to make up for the pain she was feeling over his rejection. Whatever the case she appreciated it.

"Come on, I'm sure we're on Illium by now. Time to go get Thane." She said the words with a smile on her face before she leaned down to scoop up Felix and walked out of the room, Kasumi and Garrus following at her.

* * *

Joker looked at her like she was crazy, literally. "You want me to do what?" He asked, looking at Felix like he was going to bite him.

"I need you to watch him while I'm gone. You're the only one I trust to do this." The seriousness of his tone had him looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"If he pees on me or anything in here, I will throw him in the airlock, just so you know." Joker sat, arms crossed and a slight glare on his face as Shepard plopped the wee little thing into his lap.

Rubbing first Felix's and then Joker's head she moved towards the airlock, tossing her words over her shoulder at him, "No, you won't. You don't want to deal with an angry me or an angry Garrus since he's the one that got Felix for me."

For a moment, Joker looked at her retreating form, completely flabbergasted before shaking his head and focusing on the screen in front of him once more. He could question her later, once she'd handled this Thane person.

* * *

Astra stared at the drell, blinking rapidly as she looked him over. She wasn't one for admitting she found someone attractive so easily, but as she looked at Thane, she realized he was actually rather attractive and she was certainly not the only one to notice her open gaping as she heard the soft growl of the turian next to her. Sea foam eyes shifted towards him, taking in his seemingly neutral expression and she grinned, walking forward a few paces as she spoke.

"Thane, it's a pleasure to meet you." She practically purred the words, knowing it wasn't fair to the drell that she was doing this, but at the moment, she didn't care, she was getting a reaction out of the male she'd pretty much been rejected by. Reaching out a hand, she placed it in front of the drell, offering it for a hand shake which he returned, gripping her hand firmly, but not testing her strength.

"The pleasure is mine, Commander." He spoke and she grinned widely.

"Please, call me Astra or if you're not comfortable with that Shepard will do just fine." Her smile was warm as they continued talking for a few more minutes and then they were off, Thane back to the Normandy with Kasumi and Shepard off to shop for some supplies with Garrus or at least that was what she had thought until she got dragged into a dark corner by the turian.

"What are you doing, Astra?" His duel toned voice was cold, demanding and she felt a shiver race up her spine, but she suppressed it and put a glare on her face.

Shoving her face as close to his as possible, she crossed her arms, "What do you mean? I wasn't doing anything beyond being friendly." Her tone was snappish and surly, but under it all she was excited to think that she had somehow gotten to him.

He growled and the sound had her fighting not to grin. "Don't lie to me. You knew exactly what you were doing. Shepard, you barely know him! Don't be foolish."

"What do you care if I'm foolish?" Outrage spread through her in that moment and she leaned away, pressing a hand to his chest in an attempt to push him away.

Without warning, he reached up and grabbed her face, "That's the thing, I do care, a lot more than I should." His tones were soft, warm even, a little weary as to what her reaction to him might be in this moment. Her jaw trembled and his eyes locked on it and with care, he leaned down and oh so gently, press his cheek to hers, "I was a fool before and I've had time to think things over, I'd like to give us a try, if you'll still have me."

Astra's throat turned dry and seemed to lock up, but a slow smile spread across her lips. Clearing her throat, she wrapped her arms around him and answered him, "I'd like that a lot, Garrus." She could feel his own version of a smile against her cheek moments before he pulled away and ice blue eyes locked with sea foam and she could easily admit that this was the best birthday she'd had in all her life even if it was technically the day after.


	14. Chapter 14

Oh the joys of technically two chapters in one week. I feel bad for not being on time last week and this one is short and full of just what I guess you could call fluff because I wasn't in the mood for action and crazy. Sorry guys.

Songs: Mass Effect Complete Series Soundtrack, I Caught Fire - The Used

Disclaimer: Bioware blah blah blah. You know how it goes.

* * *

She sat on the floor of the main battery, watching Garrus do his crazy calibrating thing while she played with Felix. She'd made her rounds, got all her other crazy shit done and currently, she just wanted to sit around for awhile. Yes, she still needed to go see Liara, but her day had been just too exciting so she was putting it off, with loving affection. Liara was her friend after all and she'd just wanted to have a break from everything. Her life was go-go-go anymore and sitting down on the cold floor of the battery was just the cool off she needed.

"You're muttering." She spoke the words softly as she rolled the ball across the floor for Felix, keeping it away from the opening that could cause him to injure himself. The small puppy was all too happy to rush after it and then bring it back to her once he'd gotten it and it put a smile on her face.

Garrus huffed at her and narrowed a look on her, "I mutter all the time, you just usually aren't here to hear it."

Reaching out with a foot, she tapped the boot against the side of his leg, "Oh really? Well, I hope you don't mutter in your sleep. I might use it against you one of these days."

That got a reaction out of him. He looked at her with surprise clear all over his face, it didn't matter that he was a turian; in any species it would have been easy to see it. She raised an eyebrow and chuckled at him when he swiftly turned away to continue muttering at his calibrations. Astra could easily admit that his muttering was pretty damn adorable and when Felix came back this time, she picked up the gray and white ball of fluff to cuddle him close, peering over the dog's head at the wonderful man at the consol.

Placing Felix back on the ground she held her hands up, "Hey, Vakarian, help me up."

He turned his blue gaze towards her and chuckled, "What? The great Commander Shepard needs help getting up?" Even though he was taunting her, he moved towards her and lightly clasped her hands in his, pulling her gently to her feet. She stood chest to, well, chest with him and gazed up into his eyes before she frowned and narrowed a look on him.

"You know, you're too tall." Her words caused him to snort and he shook his head, not dignifying her with an answer, "Fine, don't answer me. Let's go get some grub." She lightly bumped her hip against his as she linked her arm through his and snapped her fingers, causing Felix to step in beside her. God, that puppy was so smart. It had taken her a matter of hours to get him to figure out he needed to stay close or end up lost in this giant ass ship.

* * *

They sat in the mess, her feet resting in his lap and Felix laying on her out stretched legs, munching on a bone he'd been given. Shepard idly popped the chips she'd snuck onto the ship into her mouth while Garrus ate something that looked pretty damn close to purple-ish vomit. Astra chose not to say anything about it. She was too busy enjoying the junk food, the warmth of the dog in her lap and the idly stroking of Garrus' free hand on her lower leg. It was quiet at this time, only because everyone was either working or off on shore leave since she'd decided to do a five hour rotation of who could go wonder around Illium when.

Filled up on junk food, Shepard shifted, dropping Felix down to the ground where he groaned at her like it was the worst thing possible for him to have to walk around on his own while she went and hid away the last of her chips before she stretched her arms over her head.

"We need to find something to do, on the ship obviously, because I didn't give myself shore leave and well, I would very much like to not have to deal with people other than you and Felix." She mumbled to herself, just loud enough for Garrus to hear which caused him to tilt his head and look at her, making a quizzical sound that she didn't understand when they'd originally met, but now it was common knowledge for them to understand each others' strange inter-species noises, "I'm serious. We should get some of the crew together to do something. Maybe have a movie night or a game night, something besides sitting around being lazy bums till I decide I want to move out."

"I'm not sure how I feel about this idea." He said, a thoughtful sound coming from him as she moved back towards him, fingers laced behind her head.

"Oh whatever; it'll be fun! We can have people pick out a movie, make a list and do one a week or something or do the same thing with games, though I figure most of them will be gambling and if we have no money it will be clothes and I don't really want to take my clothes off." She unlaced her fingers and tapped a finger to her lower lip.

Making a disgruntled noise, Garrus crossed his arms, "Let's stick to movies then. I don't think there are many of us that want to take our clothes off."

Nodding, she sat back down, reaching down to scratch Felix's head where he laid on the ground by her feet, "When should we start all this?" It wasn't common that Shepard wanted to be friendly with everyone, but hey, she thought she should at least try and make nice, they'd all been friendly enough with her.

"I'd say the night cycle after we leave here since by then we'll all be bored out of our minds." He drawled lightly, shaking his head and chuckling.

Throwing her arms in the air, she wrapped them around his neck and slapped a sloppy kiss to his unscarred mandible, "You are brilliant. It will be perfect and fun and I'm sure I can find snack items here on Illium that all of us can agree on." Her grin was broad and bright and Garrus couldn't resist returning a turian one. Shepard seemed to always be out to please everyone.


	15. Chapter 15

I set a date to update and what happens? I don't post on that day. Sorry for the late update.

Songs: No songs this time

Disclaimer: Bioware owns, yadda yadda yadda.

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**Chapter 15**

As he'd predicted everyone was bored by the time they left Illium. Astra could only say that they were maybe getting a wee bit soft or she was being too nice by letting them all wonder off ship to go do the hell knew what. The thought to make it so that they couldn't leave the ship while she was gone crossed her mind, but she tossed it aside. It wasn't like they could leave the ship when they were on Omega, why make it so that they couldn't leave when they were docked other, safer places? No, she just couldn't do that to them, but they would have to learn to deal with their boredom, even if she gave them one night a week to watch movies. Shaking her head, she moved around, going from floor to floor, room to room to try and find the perfect place. She settled on the Shuttle Bay, it was the only place big enough and had a flat wall that the movie could be projected onto.

Satisfied with her choice, she went up to her quarters and sent a ship wide message to those that would be off duty at the time. She requested that if they wanted to join in the fun, they send her the name of a movie they would like to watch and that she would decide what one they would watch tonight and move down the list from there.

Everything was set, they were watching some movie that Shepard had never in her wildest dreams heard of, but when she'd looked it up it sounded interesting. She'd packed up snacks, set them up down in the shuttle bay, managed to find pillows and blankets, making cozy places on the floor for everyone to sit on. She'd even gone so far as to grab her yoga pants and an old N7 tank top, roaming around the ship barefoot. Her hair fell loosely around her shoulders, strawberry blonde curls tumbled over one shoulder as she brushed them back idly, as she rearranged some pillows and blankets before stepping back to observe her handy work and grinned, pink lips parted and white teeth showing as she looked up with sea foam eyes to see Joker and several other crew members arrive.

"Well, Commander, you've out done yourself." Joker chuckled as he moved towards her, shaking his head lightly.

"Oh I know I have and look! I was even SO kind as to set up a comfy chair for you." She gestured to it and saw him duck his head with a grin on his face before he ambled over to it and sat down with a sigh.

Everyone else settled in on the ground, talking to each other and looking side long at Astra, not sure what to think of the Commander in her cozies and then they were all really distracted when Shepard's team arrived, all of them, except Zaeed in what she considered casual and cozy. Well, she guessed that what Zaeed was wearing cozy to him, but what did she know, the man was strange and it was a miracle he was here to begin with. They all settled where they wished, Jack and Zaeed against the back wall, Kasumi and Tali on the ground towards the back talking, Thane on top of some of the crates, alone. Even Samara had joined in the fun sitting away from the group, but there none the less. Jacob and Miranda seemed to be having a truce for the moment and sat fairly close to one another, talking quietly. Mordin has found Chakwas and was settled in next to her, talking medical jargon like normal. Grunt, the adorable baby Krogan that Astra had grown to love, was sitting next to the crates that Thane was on, talking idly to the drell about something or other.

That was about the time she realized that she hadn't seen Garrus come down with them when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She grinned when he spoke softly into her ear, "Well, this seems to have been a very good idea."

A soft chuckle bubbled up in her throat as she moved away from him and went to stand in front of the gathering. "Welcome! I'm glad you've all turned up here. This is the first of, I hope, many movie nights. We could all use the time to socialize and relax. So enjoy the movie!" She gave a quick bow and jogged out of the way as the movie started to roll, thanks in part to EDI making sure that everything would work and in turn 'clicking' the play button.

Garrus and Astra settled on the ground on one of the last remaining blankets and pillows nests. She leaned against his shoulder, feeling even shorter sitting down next to him, but she was okay with that. His hand rested behind her back, keeping his arm locked so that she didn't fall over as she watched the movie with him. Her knees were curled up to her chest and her green eyes were riveted on the screen. She'd never seen this movie, but so far her attention was captured by it, drawing her in, but like any movie, the pull of sleep started to drag her down and she shifted, grabbing one of the pillows from behind them to lay it on the ground and shifted so that she was laying on her stomach, arms folded under it and closed her eyes. The gentle stroke of Garrus' hand over her lower back was quickly lulling her to sleep.

The feeling of being lifted woke her and she looked around at the dark room. "How long was I out?" She asked softly, knowing exactly who was carrying her.

"About half way through the movie you fell asleep. Chakwas told me to leave you be until everyone had left, so I did. Now, I'm taking you up to your room." His duel toned voice answered her, humor lacing each word and she shrugged in his arms, shifting to rest her head against his arm and closed her eyes once more, not caring that she could easily have walked herself to the elevator and up to her room. Hey, she believed that every girl liked to be cared for every now and again.

The ride up to her cabin was quiet and she just enjoyed the feeling of being just a woman, a woman who didn't have the weight of the galaxy holding her down. She was a woman who cared deeply for someone not of her own species, someone she was willing to give her heart and soul to within the blink of an eye if he asked for it. However, right now was not the time to think about that. She was in the middle of some crazy times and that was just how it was. When the galaxy was more stable and they had some time to themselves, now was not that time.

As the elevator came to a halt on her floor, she yawned and curled her arms around his neck, causing him to glance down at her. "Will you stay?" Her voice was soft and warm, rough from sleep.

"I don't know, Shepard." He seemed unsure and she curled closer to him as he walked into her cabin.

"It's cold in here though and yes, I could change the temp in here, but I'd rather not because then it will be too hot, so please, stay?" There was pleading in her voice, begging even and she saw it in his ice blue eyes that he was caving, "Please?" She let her words swell in the air between them and he nodded slowly, falling under her words as he moved towards her bed, setting her down on it carefully before moving around to the empty side to lie beside her. She handed and extra pillow to him, to allow him for better comfort before curling onto her side, back against his front and drifted back into the dream world, his arm wrapped around her hips lightly. This was the perfect ending to a rather slow, easy day.


	16. Chapter 16

So, my life is a massive huge mess of knee surgery and pain. I'm still in physical therapy and all that, but I needed to get this chapter up because well, the last one was slow and fluffy because I knew I would be getting my knee chopped open. Updates will be a little strange for awhile until I'm not so drugged up and my knee stops having spazzmatic pain. FORGIVE ME! Also, if anything seems rushed, please let me know and I will either fix it or make adjustments in the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Bioware has claimed the souls of these characters, I just want to love them!

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**Chapter 16**

That was the last time life was easy and fun. Shepard had hoped for more, had hoped that she would get the chance to do this again, but life was never that easy. On the bright side they were on their way to get Tali and when she'd found that out, she'd bounced up and down, pure delight written on her face as she burst into the Mess Hall where Kasumi, Garrus, Thane and Mordin were sitting. "We're on our way to get the love of my life." She cheered, hands in the air and hands fisted, bounce-dancing in a circle.

"Love of your what?" Kasumi asked, confusion on her face, copying that of Mordin, while Thane just looked interested in hearing her answer, but before she could give it, Garrus chuckled.

Leaning forward on the table, he watched Astra as she continued to do her little dance, "So, we're getting our Quarian then?" The Turian equivalent of a smile touched his features and being as excited as she was; Astra danced over to him and drummed her hands against his shoulder, giggling excitedly.

"We'll be there in an hour, so come my lovely ninja and my almost as good as me snipers, get ready so we can go and get our fabulous shotgun wielding engineer!" With that, she frolicked, for lack of a better word, away from them.

* * *

Haestorm was officially the worst place ever! Every damn time she accidentally walked into the sun it was like pop, sizzle, burn on her shields. It was the shittest thing she'd ever had to deal with in the whole of her life. Like now, she was standing in the shade waiting for her shields to go back up and Garrus was laughing at her, truly laughing at her. Astra didn't REALLY blame him; she was cussing up a storm after all and just to make it even better there were geth fucking everywhere and it was just ruining her mood.

"These twats are really pissing me off." She snarled, sniping the shit out of them before diving for a different section of shade.

Once more she heard laughter and then Kasumi's voice over the com, "I didn't know you had such VIVID language, Shep." Shepard peeked over the edge of her cover and found Kasumi who was turned to look at her in that moment and Astra was quick to flip her the bird before shooting another bastardly synthetic, "That wasn't very nice." There was laughter in the thief's voice as she went back behind cover and began moving once more, slowly, but surely making their way towards Tali.

* * *

They'd managed to keep Kal'Reegar alive and destroyed that mother fucking huge ass Geth Colossus. As the day went by, Shepard was discovering that there was more random ass bad shit going on than good shit. Yes, they were about get Tali, hopefully and yes, they'd kept Kal'Reegar alive, but this bloody sun was taking a toll on her that she wasn't willing to admit to the two people she had with her. It was hot, her shields kept going in and out and she was deeply annoyed by it so as soon as the doors slide open and she laid eyes on Tali, she wanted to flop down on the ground and take a nap, but of course, she couldn't do that. It would be just plain stupid if she did and most likely she'd end up getting attacked by something else. It was her luck after all.

Instead, she walked into the room and was quick to let out a delighted greeting, "Tali! My sweet little thing." She cooed the words as the Quarian finished what she was doing and hesitated in hugging her. Their last meeting hadn't been so great, but all that was put to rest when Tali moved forward and hugged Shepard herself. After that, things flowed smoothly, words passed and in the end, Tali was welcomed back to the ship with open arms.

* * *

Once on the ship, having said their good-byes to Kal'Reegar, she went about her everyday task of checking in with the crew, starting with Joker and working her way down. Everything seemed to be going good, except that half her crew had little side things for her to do and she figured it would be awhile before she was able to set out on her main quest once more. She didn't want her team to be disloyal. She wanted them to be completely devoted to her because if she couldn't trust them and they didn't trust her, then they were all fucked and she was in no mood to be fucked. Her last stop was Tali and of course that was about the time Felix came running or rather flailing up the stairs from Jack's hole. She'd noticed that Jack had grown fond of the puppy and often times, let him stay with her rather than making Joker watch her because well, Joker was a terrible, terrible puppy sitter. According to Mordin anyways.

Scooping the dog up, she walked into engineering and as Tali turned around, the little Quarian let out a little squeal before walking forward and greeting the puppy before even acknowledging that Shepard was there. Astra raised an eyebrow at her and shook her head lightly, chuckling as Felix leaned into the gentle petting he was getting and Shepard had the oddest feeling that Felix would happily hang out with Tali if he was given the chance.

Once this meet and greet was over, the two set to work talking and catching up, leaning against the console and idly stroking the wee pup's head as Donnelly so kindly called Felix. It was nice having Tali back and she figured that things would be even more interesting once Tali got to know Kasumi. She was positive that their bouts of gossiping would contain things that Kasumi and herself had missed. Garrus should be scared, very scared.


End file.
